There’s an old saying everyone knows: Wherever you go, there you are.
It’s easy to believe that moving abroad will fix some problems, and it might indeed fix one or two of them. But no matter where you live, you’re still you — warts and all.
I recently read an article from Business Insider about a young woman who moved to Rome after a breakup, believing it would give her a fresh start to become someone new.
At least, that was my perception.
I empathize with where she’s coming from. It’s tempting to believe you can leave behind your old relationships and the baggage of being who you are in favor of creating a whole new self in a place where not a single soul knows you.
Some people do manage to do the Under the Tuscan Sun bit and completely reinvent themselves, but it’s rare. At the end of the day, we are who we are, and moving abroad won’t change that.
I had similar visions of moving to Spain and shedding my introvert skin to become an outgoing, ready-to-mingle social butterfly. My life stress would melt away, and I’d be a whole new person.
Neither of those things happened, and I shouldn’t have expected them to. Being an introvert is a strong personality trait, and it’s not going away just because I changed countries. And life is still life, whether it’s in Spain or the U.S. With life comes stress, and no one escapes it, wherever they live.
Once the honeymoon period wears off, what’s left?
For me, it’s the access to the rest of Europe, the beautiful city I get to explore every single day, the culture and language our whole family is immersed in, the kindness of the Spanish people, the food, and living out a dream I’ve had since I was a child.
I’m still me: introverted, quiet with strangers, observant, often anxious, smart, clumsy, sometimes ditzy, friendly, and sensitive. Not one of those traits changed just because I changed countries.
You can’t outrun who you are, but maybe you can learn to love who you are — and who you brought with you to start over somewhere new.