“I want to go there someday.”
That was my refrain as I watched House Hunters International or Anthony Bourdain’s No Reservations or … Pick your poison.
I had a running list of places I wanted to visit and not much of a plan to follow through on.
Part of the problem was finances—or a lack thereof. The other problem was being deep in the throes of raising small children, and the desire to drag them across the country or halfway around the world was not high on my list of priorities.
Once upon a time, I worked at a place where the motto was, “You won’t see the inside of a restaurant unless you’re working there.” It referred to getting out of debt, and while Will and I had long left debt behind, that attitude stuck. Until my mom died, I wasn’t able to escape that mentality, locked inside my own prison of dreams passing me by.
I was a dreamer—someone who knew how to imagine something big but not able to execute because of my own hangups around spending money and allowing myself to enjoy life.
I recognize this same trait in others who tell me they want to move abroad.
There’s a lot of planning, questioning, and dreaming, but there is a distinct lack of execution.
Picking up an entire life, selling most of what you own, and moving yourself, a spouse, kids, and/or pets to a new country is daunting at best and terrifying at worst.
A self-induced anxiety-producing maelstrom of project management, decision-making, and panic.
My mom’s death forced me to see that “someday” isn’t a real point in time.
First there’s grief. Then comes the aftermath. Unrealized dreams, unfulfilled retirement aspirations, lost time. The entire last quarter of a life planned and lost.
Two and a half years after my mom died, my "someday” moment landed as I learned about a school shooting in Nashville, just 30 minutes away from my own home. I finally shook off the haze of my grief, looked at my kids, and recognized that I wasn’t giving them the childhood or the travel I’d always wanted to.
The common theme I see among people who make the move abroad isn’t that they’re braver, smarter, or have more money. It’s that they realize none of us knows when our “somedays” might run out.
I receive messages regularly from people who are “thinking about” moving abroad. They see what Will and I did, recognize it’s possible, and start dreaming.
I get excited for them, sending messages of encouragement, tips, and keeping my inbox open.
Then I never hear from them again.
If you don't want to be one of those people, I'd love to talk. I offer one-on-one calls for people seriously considering a move abroad—no judgment, no pressure—just someone who's done it. Book a call here.
I write here about building a life abroad—slowly, imperfectly, and with a lot of trial and error.
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More life abroad essays like this one:
One of my favorite quotes - “Sadly, the traffic lights of life will never all be green at the same time. Conditions are never perfect. ‘Someday’ (someday I’ll do this, someday I’ll do that) is a disease that will take your dreams to the grave with you.” - Rolf Potts
I do believe, the expats and moving experience is hard, but really essential at a certain point of life. It’s like to live several lives. And when we leave out patterns, friends, community, all our habits, we come closer to realise who we are.