I’m resonating with this! We’re only on a short stint abroad (7 months) but I’m already looking forward to our next base in the UK and the ease of a common language instead of struggling in French.
It’s those little bits of connection that mean the world when you live “away” — the ease of small talk, having a conversation where you don’t have to explain what you mean, and not asking someone what the word is that you’re looking for.
Wow this one really resonates with me. I'm about to enter my 7th year abroad, in my 3rd country and so much of this rings true - the admin of retaining a life abroad, sometimes just wanting to speak English, the struggle of finding a rebuilding a community. And yet, I still know I 100% want to stay abroad. Thanks for sharing your perspective.
Exactly. We want to stay abroad, but it’s a realization that we need deeper connections than just surface-level, basic conversations in our second language. It makes living in another country so much easier and pleasant when you have “home” connections as well as those from your new country.
We’ve been in Portugal for almost two years. I wrote yesterday how the most difficult thing for me has been the guilt I feel—mainly from other family members who don’t understand why I left everything and everyone behind. But I’m still not over the fact that I get to live here. And then I feel guilty for having so much fun here. (Except with the bureaucracy—that’s not fun.)
It's true that some guilt comes with living abroad. You're always missing out on something going on "back home." And yet, like you, I still can't get over living here. Like ... this is my LIFE? I wish I could sprinkle the joy I feel about it everywhere and spread it to everyone. 😅
This really resonated with me! When I first moved to Spain I was intent on only hanging with Spanish people. Over time I realized friendships with fellow Americans or people who had relocated from other countries was essential.
In my experience, creating meaningful relationships in both your native language and the local language is necessary, especially for the long haul. Being able to laugh with my Spanish friends about things only Spanish people would get is so special, but likewise on the English side! I can only imagine how fun it is for people who speak more than two languages.
I had the same intent. But I am learning that I really do need that interaction more than I thought. There’s balance, and I think it’s okay to admit. I just wish I was multilingual!
My next piece is on redefining home actually and how our year living in an RV as digital nomads broke me but helped us to see what I really wanted in my life and sent us on a path of finding the place that could provide something even remotely close to it. This piece and the Forbes article help to voice what I have known for years. Great piece Jen. Thanks or writing it.
Another great post that made me reflect on my time abroad (that’s starting to feel more and more like ancient history 😪 ). I honestly don’t think it’s taboo that you’d want to move to a neighborhood with more English-speakers. I think it’s human nature to want to be around folks you can communicate with or where you can find community. It’s how many immigrant groups have found a sense of belonging in new places since forever!
I think that’s true. Will and I were talking about this. It’s why you have different areas of towns named Chinatown, Little Havana, etc. Those are the areas where you can find others who relate to your experience. It’s just that you always hear, “Integrate! Learn the language!” And believe me, I’m trying *hard,* but the brain does become exhausted, and sometimes, you just need a break.
Don’t give up on moving abroad again! I have faith it’ll happen. 💛
We shall see! I ain't no spring chicken anymore and I still have my mom here, so moving back abroad may have to wait until I get all my ducks in a row...or if I'm forced to.
I resonate with this, too. I find this push-pull of wanting to fully fit in to a new context and make deep friendships, realizing that's really hard to do on a short timeline, and also wanting to have people around me who are "onboarding" at the same time, for commiseration and support.
This is such a great post! We felt the same when we lived in Japan- there was something missing but we couldn’t put our finger on it. And one night, we had a dinner with other JET teachers from all over the world. One big table of people who had come there for the same purpose- we were all speaking English and I remember feeling like, “ok, this is what we were missing…” That familiar feeling of a communal table of people our age who were there with the same goal- I’ll never forget the laughing, drinking, and sharing stories. It made such a difference!
Exactly! Just feeling that sense of belonging once in a while goes so far in making you feel more at home. I think that's what I'm looking for right now – especially now that we're more settled.
I’m resonating with this! We’re only on a short stint abroad (7 months) but I’m already looking forward to our next base in the UK and the ease of a common language instead of struggling in French.
It’s those little bits of connection that mean the world when you live “away” — the ease of small talk, having a conversation where you don’t have to explain what you mean, and not asking someone what the word is that you’re looking for.
Exactly! Yeah The added mental fatigue and isolation of being in a place where you don’t speak the language is so real.
Wow this one really resonates with me. I'm about to enter my 7th year abroad, in my 3rd country and so much of this rings true - the admin of retaining a life abroad, sometimes just wanting to speak English, the struggle of finding a rebuilding a community. And yet, I still know I 100% want to stay abroad. Thanks for sharing your perspective.
Exactly. We want to stay abroad, but it’s a realization that we need deeper connections than just surface-level, basic conversations in our second language. It makes living in another country so much easier and pleasant when you have “home” connections as well as those from your new country.
We’ve been in Portugal for almost two years. I wrote yesterday how the most difficult thing for me has been the guilt I feel—mainly from other family members who don’t understand why I left everything and everyone behind. But I’m still not over the fact that I get to live here. And then I feel guilty for having so much fun here. (Except with the bureaucracy—that’s not fun.)
It's true that some guilt comes with living abroad. You're always missing out on something going on "back home." And yet, like you, I still can't get over living here. Like ... this is my LIFE? I wish I could sprinkle the joy I feel about it everywhere and spread it to everyone. 😅
This really resonated with me! When I first moved to Spain I was intent on only hanging with Spanish people. Over time I realized friendships with fellow Americans or people who had relocated from other countries was essential.
In my experience, creating meaningful relationships in both your native language and the local language is necessary, especially for the long haul. Being able to laugh with my Spanish friends about things only Spanish people would get is so special, but likewise on the English side! I can only imagine how fun it is for people who speak more than two languages.
I had the same intent. But I am learning that I really do need that interaction more than I thought. There’s balance, and I think it’s okay to admit. I just wish I was multilingual!
My next piece is on redefining home actually and how our year living in an RV as digital nomads broke me but helped us to see what I really wanted in my life and sent us on a path of finding the place that could provide something even remotely close to it. This piece and the Forbes article help to voice what I have known for years. Great piece Jen. Thanks or writing it.
Thank you for reading! I love learning others' stories of moving abroad and what prompted it. We all have a different catalyst but similar feelings.
I have had an easy time making friends here because we all have a similar set of values. I never found that ease in the states. It’s refreshing.
It’s been a bit more difficult for us, and being introverted doesn’t help! 😂
Keep trying! I think making adult friends is just hard but given your values and why you moved to Spain I know there are others like you in your city.
Another great post that made me reflect on my time abroad (that’s starting to feel more and more like ancient history 😪 ). I honestly don’t think it’s taboo that you’d want to move to a neighborhood with more English-speakers. I think it’s human nature to want to be around folks you can communicate with or where you can find community. It’s how many immigrant groups have found a sense of belonging in new places since forever!
🫶🏻
I think that’s true. Will and I were talking about this. It’s why you have different areas of towns named Chinatown, Little Havana, etc. Those are the areas where you can find others who relate to your experience. It’s just that you always hear, “Integrate! Learn the language!” And believe me, I’m trying *hard,* but the brain does become exhausted, and sometimes, you just need a break.
Don’t give up on moving abroad again! I have faith it’ll happen. 💛
We shall see! I ain't no spring chicken anymore and I still have my mom here, so moving back abroad may have to wait until I get all my ducks in a row...or if I'm forced to.
Let's both hope that isn't the case. 🥺
I resonate with this, too. I find this push-pull of wanting to fully fit in to a new context and make deep friendships, realizing that's really hard to do on a short timeline, and also wanting to have people around me who are "onboarding" at the same time, for commiseration and support.
It’s so tricky — wanting to feel “at home” but missing the things that create that feeling.
This is such a great post! We felt the same when we lived in Japan- there was something missing but we couldn’t put our finger on it. And one night, we had a dinner with other JET teachers from all over the world. One big table of people who had come there for the same purpose- we were all speaking English and I remember feeling like, “ok, this is what we were missing…” That familiar feeling of a communal table of people our age who were there with the same goal- I’ll never forget the laughing, drinking, and sharing stories. It made such a difference!
Exactly! Just feeling that sense of belonging once in a while goes so far in making you feel more at home. I think that's what I'm looking for right now – especially now that we're more settled.